My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
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