i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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