Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
