just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
