if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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