Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Vodka?
Forever.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
