Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
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