jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
We're too hungover to prance.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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