I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
