you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
