One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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