i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
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