sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
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