We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Randomize
