So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
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