pop tarts are not kleenex
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
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