I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
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