After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
