I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Randomize
