And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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