i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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