Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Sorry about my life...
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Randomize
