the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Randomize