You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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