please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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