Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
She told me I should be a condom model.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
Randomize