Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize
