if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
Houston, we have a squirter
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
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