Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
