you guys were way drunker than both of me
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Randomize
