she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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