I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
Randomize
