i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
His nipple licking is glorious
Randomize
