I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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