watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
operation have a gay friend backfired
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
