evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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