I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
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