how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
