im gay
i know
yea but for you.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
