dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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