I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
Randomize
