Please, let me fuck your mom
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
