i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
