did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
