Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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