Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
