No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Randomize