and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Randomize
