He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
