i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
