I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
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