so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
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