dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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