Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Randomize
