How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
