It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
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