dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
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