made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
The struggles of a small town man whore
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
