remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
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