I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
I have feelings that need drinking.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
