I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
