but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
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