fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Randomize
