well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Randomize
