Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
Randomize
