i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
BRING THE BAGELS
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
