fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
