When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
