I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
Randomize
