can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Randomize
