I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
