there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
I am naked and annoyed.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Randomize
