i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Randomize
