And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
