She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
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