i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
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