drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
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