i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
Randomize
