I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
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