the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
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