Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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