I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
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