My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
