dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
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