I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize