I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
We were destined to go to rehab together
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
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